The UnHappy Man
by loozy
Summary: Don Eppes is a lot things. He is an FBI- agent, a son, a brother, a lover, a friend. He is dedicated, loving, stubborn, broody, intelligent, quick, instinctive, a pain in the ass, smart, handsome, witty, thoughtful. Don introspective.


**Title:** The (Un)Happy Man  
**Author:** loozy  
**Pairing/Characters:** Don Eppes & everybody else; Don/ Robin  
**Rating**: T  
**Summary:** Don Eppes is a lot things. He is an FBI- agent, a son, a brother, a lover, a friend. He is dedicated, loving, stubborn, broody, intelligent, quick, instinctive, a pain in the ass, smart, handsome, witty, thoughtful. He does contemplate the past and thinks about the future. He is too aware of mortality to not live in the present. He has not chosen yet what path life will lead him on, but he is ready for it. He has found the meaning behind his existence.

**Word Count:** 2462  
**Spoilers:** up until and including 5x18  
**Notes/Warnings**: my second Numb3rs- fic; it is still very much unbeta- ed. this time, I am taking a closer look at Don Eppes. I am not too sure how I fared with him, as I kind of delved deeper into him than I did in my previous fic with Colby; plus, this is the first time that I have written in this style, and it is also my first really in- depth- fic.  
**Prompt/Challenge (if applicable):** none  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this fic. Numb3rs and everybody associated with it belongs to Cheryl Heuton & Nick Fallucci and CBS. I do not intend to make any money off this fic. I'm just having fun.  
**Feedback:** Yes, please. I love all criticism, as long as it is constructed and helpful.

'There is no mystery to happiness.

Unhappy men are all alike. Some wound they suffered long ago, some wish denied, some blow to pride, some kindling spark of love out by scorn- or worse, indifference- cleaves to them, or they to it, and so they live each day within a shroud of yesterdays. The happy man does not look back. He does not look ahead. He lives in the present.

But there's the rub. The present can never deliver one thing: meaning. The ways of happiness and meaning are not the same. To find happiness a man need only live in the moment; he need only live for the moment. But if he wants meaning- the meaning of his dreams, his secrets, his life- a man must reinhabit his past, however dark and live for the future, however uncertain. Thus nature dangles happiness and meaning before us all, insisting only that we choose between them.'

*Jed Rubenfeld- The Interpretation of Murder*

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Don Eppes is a lot of things.

He is an FBI- agent, first and foremost.

He is the supervisor of the Violent Crimes Unit of the LA Field Office. He is team leader to a group of people that he could not wish to be better or more dedicated, David Sinclair, Colby Granger, Liz Warner and Nikki Betancourt. He uses some of the most brilliant minds on US soil as consultants, Professors Charlie Eppes, Larry Fleinhart and Amita Ramanujan.

He drives a big black SUV that screams government car, he chases criminals, cuffs them, he has an excellent eye, and always get the highest scores in his shooting proficiency exams.

He has had more than one instructor at Quantico who told him that he would be an excellent sniper, but he has left that to Ian Edgerton. He is too much of a people person and he knows that he is better at helping them than at shooting them. He only shoots when he feels he has to, and to this day, no- one has been able to get the real reason for shooting Crystal Hoyle out of him; he had to, there was no other way out of it, but it was not an easy decision for him. He is not trigger happy, and he did not into the situation wanting to shoot her. That is who he is, and this reasoning of his leaves people wondering. Bradford came closest to ever figuring it out on his own, while Robin knows it because he more or less told her so when he told her about his first kill. She knows him too well to not figure who he is, and how he works.

He is an agent who locks his emotions up tight when it is about cases, but whom yet cannot stop his job getting to him. He buries himself in his work, spends nights at the office, only goes home to shower. He lives and breathes his job. He is his job. He is a control freak. He runs a tight ship at work.

He does have a life outside the office, but even then he is usually surrounded by people that he works with, or associates with work. He is intelligent, he is charming, he is a brilliant tactician, he is tenacious, a hard ass, stubborn to a fault, and he never gives up. He does not let go of cases or issues.

He is an agent who uses a math professor to help solve cases. He is the agent with the highest solving rate of cases before Charlie in the history of the bureau. He is the agent with the highest solving rate of cases after Charlie in the FBI- offices on the West and East Coast.

He used to have trust issues, and it is hard for him, still, to trust people. His trust is something that is earned through hard work, but when you have it, he would give his life, his career, for you. He is excellent at what he does.

_He does not believe it._

He is a son.

The firstborn son of Alan and Margaret Eppes.

The son who is not a genius. The son who loved to play the piano but would never admit to it in fear of appearing uncool to his friends.

The son who never wanted to hurt his mother but did it anyways by refusing to play the instrument that she loved. The son who would go to sit- ins with his parents, watch his father get hauled off in cuffs and then turn around and become an FBI- agent, working for the government. The son who would take care of his younger brother just like his parents had asked him to, but who would never do it in public, always hidden. The son who ran away from his family because he wanted to be himself without the pressure of being an Eppes.

The son who never got enough attention from his parents after the discovery of his brother's genius. The son, who had to grow up too fast, had to learn too early on how to take care of himself. The son who never stopped vying for his parents' attention. The son who still views himself as a bit of a failure because he did not turn out as well as Charlie did.  
The son who does not see that his parents loved him because he was not like Charlie, because he turned out perfect despite the obstacles thrown his way.

The son who was loved by his parents but deemed himself unlovable at an early age because he was not as intelligent as Charlie. The son whose IQ was above average, too, but never really believed it, even though he brought home more A's than B's. The son who never heard the praise they sang about him, the pride his mother carried in her voice whenever she talked about Donnie, her FBI- son who was doing a dangerous job of hunting criminals and for whom she was afraid but she was so proud of him, all the same. The son who had a huge fight with his father the evening he announced that he was joining the FBI. The son who fled the house after the fight and stayed away for the rest of the night, just walking, until he ended up at the batting cages that had been his refuge during his entire childhood where Alan was waiting for him, knowing that he would turn up there at some point.

The son who took a demotion to come home when his mother got sick. The son who was and still is the rock of his family, the one his father can lean, the one his mother leaned on heavily during her illness. The son without whom the family would have fallen apart. The son who sacrificed his right to grief in order to help his father and brother through the difficult time, who was more than once the sounding board of his mother.

The son who was lost and then came home, the son who saved his family from unravelling.

_He does not believe it._

He is a brother.

The older brother of Charles Eppes, mathematical genius extraordinaire. The brother of a man who finished high school on the same day as he did as the valedictorian despite being five years younger. The brother of a little boy who would scuttle into his bed when thunder was rolling.

The brother who has always been the reluctant fixation of Charlie's hero worship. The brother who is still intimidated by Charlie. The brother who has hidden it well.

The brother who protected Charlie from bullies in high school, who made sure that Charlie never caught on to it. The brother who was cold and callous to the younger boy because he was hurting. The brother who will always remain a 10- year- old, venting off steam at the batting cages when his mother had left with Charlie again.

The brother who will always resent Charlie for taking away his parents, for taking away his childhood to a certain extent. The brother who will always hold a grudge against Charlie for all the practices that he had to cycle home from or get a lift with a team mate's parent because his parents were too busy with work and Charlie. The brother who will always hate Charlie for taking away his mother. The brother who will never understand how Charlie could just hideaway in the solarium while their mother was dying. The brother who was inexplicably angry at Charlie for doing this to their mother, and a bit at their mother for just understanding.

The brother who is hiding all of this in a dark corner, because he loves his brother too much to ever show him this part of his soul. The brother who put his younger brother back together after their mother's death even though he could have needed one to do the same for him, too. The brother who always put his own needs behind that of Charlie.

The brother who always felt that he was second best to the genius.

The brother who called in the genius to consult on a fraud case, the first one of many to follow. The brother who now believes that he cannot do his job to the extent without Charlie. The brother who is held in high esteem by his younger brother despite his faults, and maybe even because of them. The brother who would give his life in an instant for Charlie, who loves Charlie as deeply as possible, and who is scared of losing the bond that they have formed.

The brother who is vital to the survival of the other brother.

_He does not believe it._

He is a lover.

The lover of Kim, Terry, Nicky, Leah, Nadine, Robin, Liz, and now Robin again.

He is the lover afraid of opening up to those who share his bed. The lover who does not want to give them an opening to see into the inner workings of his mind, but who has nevertheless allowed Robin to do exactly that. The lover who is afraid to lose the woman he holds close, but cannot stop them from leaving him. The lover who has gotten scarred from women walking away from him, by his, her or their combined inability to deal with his shortcomings.

The lover who needed someone tougher than himself to break his shell.

The lover who loves with his heart content, who never backs down from a romantic challenge. The lover who is thoughtful, passionate, loving. The lover who is perfect through his imperfections. The lover who is always willing to lend a listening ear but used to back away when the same was offered to him.

The lover who is not that person anymore. The lover who has managed to become as open about himself, his feelings and thoughts, as is possible. The lover who does not like to lose control but is learning how to loosen the ropes, how to let go.

The lover who has turned to a woman who is the ying to his yang, who compliments him. The lover who wants to become a husband, wants to be as worthy of her as she is of him.

The lover who does not know that he has already reached that goal.

_He does not believe it._

He is a friend.  
A friend to David, Colby, Larry, Amita, Megan, Liz, Robin, Ian to a certain extent, as much as Ian Edgerton has friends, Billy, Terry, Charlie. He is their friend, as they are his. He knows that he can turn to them in a moment of need or weakness that they will always be there for him, just like he will always be there for them.

It is a rhythm that has established itself over time.

The friend who spends his time off work with them. The friend who protects them from himself. The friend who is proud to call these people his friends, his extended family. The friend who is considered to be the best and most reliable of friends by those who have befriended him.

The friend whose friendship it is considered a privilege to have, as he does not give it easily.

_He does not believe it._

And yet, he does believe in the people around him.

That is what makes him strong.

His faith, the one that he has in who he surrounds himself with, and the faith that he has newly discovered. This is the one thing where Charlie cannot touch him, in a way, which is not a statement of resentment, not, he is over that, but he knows that Charlie is too analytical, too much of a science guy to ever really understand religion.

He has faith in science, just as Robin has faith in law. The only difference is that Robin is more willing to listen to Don, than Charlie is. So Don keeps the discovery of his faith to himself until Charlie confronts him with it, and even though his younger brother does not react as he expected him to, neither does he rejoice, and that sits just fine with Don.

This is his place, his way of finding solace. He believes in this, too.

He goes to Temple. He reads scripture and then discusses them with the Rabbi, or with his Dad, or with Robin. They all offer him different perspectives, and they all help him form an opinion, light his way, in a manner of speaking.

Don Eppes is a man of many talents.

He is a baseball player, a golfer, a leader, an excellent shot, a quick mind, a criminologist. He's an avid reader, when he finds the time, a fan of old movies, photography, a piano player.

Don Eppes is a man of many moods.

A happy man, some may say when they see him with his friends and family. An unhappy man, some may say when they see him at a crime scene. An intense man, some may say when they see him in interrogation, or aggressive, loud, rough. Quiet and broody.

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Don Eppes is a lot things. He is an FBI- agent, a son, a brother, a lover, a friend. He is dedicated, loving, stubborn, broody, intelligent, quick, instinctive, a pain in the ass, smart, handsome, witty, thoughtful. He does contemplate the past and thinks about the future. He is too aware of mortality to not live in the present.

He has not chosen yet what path life will lead him on, but he is ready for it.

He has found the meaning behind his existence.

He is an (un)happy man.


End file.
